Excerpt: My Life As A Man Hater

   ”With so many instances of men treating us like inferior creatures, it’s a topic you’d be hard-pressed to overlook. From the acceptance of Chris Brown after beating a pop starlet, to men in the government attempting to determine what’s best for our bodies, woman-bashing is all over the news. I hate the way this makes me feel — about our society, about our future, about myself. And because I take issue with all this instead of letting it slide, I’m known by banal monikers. Bitch. Feminazi. Man-Hater.

   I harbor similar sentiments about sexism as I do for racism. I don’t blame the men of today for the sins of their forefathers; to do so would be unfair and depriving modern men basic equality from birth. No, I blame them for perpetuating a system of subjugation largely because it works in their favor. In the same vein that the rich largely support tax laws that while ensuring inequality ensure the rich stay rich, modern men don’t shun the patriarchal system because it benefits them. And when something benefits you, are you really likely to preach against it? You can’t blame someone for looking out for their own self interest.

     Or can you? Perhaps this self-serving nature is the root of what’s wrong with the world. Comfort and convenience, though not the harbingers of intellectual challenge and fulfillment, are often the main priority in our modern world, and the current system secures that for men. Like the civil war, the sexist war is one that can only be altered by a paradigm shift in the hearts of those in power. Only ideology and morality can sway the recipients of status to change their ways.  I’m not saying all men are power-hungry, money-grubbing complacent chauvinists; I’m saying that inaction makes them just as guilty as the perpetrators. Just because you close your eyes doesn’t make the problem go away. And believe you me, there is a problem.

   Firstly, women still don’t earn as much as men. Estimates vary but the general consensus is that women get paid anywhere from 70 cents to 87 cents for every dollar a man makes. Part of this is due to lack of women in higher-paying fields, but that in itself is because these fields are male-dominated and difficult for women to penetrate. Studies have shown that men who undergo sex changes end up being paid less as a woman than they did as male. This leads me to think it’s mainly perception that drives this gap. And think about it: the US has yet to have a female president. Props to us for escaping the dark ages and electing (gasp) an African-American president, but we’ve got a long way to go. Currently there are 20 countries/territories with female leaders. Not a one of them has proposed a tax break on tampons or passed legislation requiring all male rapists to be castrated. Sure, females in power can be puppets in the hands of their eager husbands but politicians can be puerile marionettes of their parties, too. I have the opportunity to work for some brilliant, competitive, savvy women who still manage to be compassionate and treat everyone with respect regardless of gender. I believe we can all do this, male and female.”


—By Lauren Osborn, Vagina Prose+Poetry Editor

*This piece originally appeared in full in Vagina’s Spring 2012 issue, available for purchase here

*There’s still time to help make Vagina’s Summer 2012 issue even better! Step on over to our Kickstarter to throw in a few bucks in exchange for fantastic rewards

Condoms

So. It’s like 10 p.m. on a Saturday night and my boyfriend, Jack, had invited me over to his place for some tacos and a movie. Along the way, I made a quick stop at Walgreens to pick up some tortilla chips. As I’m making my way to the food aisle, I suddenly remember that we had used the last condom in the box two nights ago. Being the good girlfriend that I am, I decide to pick up a box of them so that we wouldn’t have to go out later and grab some. I grab the box and two things occur to me.

Firstly, why are condoms so fucking expensive?

A regular box of 6 Trojan 2Go condoms costs $9. A box of cigarettes costs around $5. This means that as of right now, sex costs more than my boyfriend’s nicotine habit. Gross. So, being the responsible couple we are, we use a condom every time we have sex, and for us, sex happens about 3 to 4 times a week. If there are 52 weeks in a year, 6 condoms to a pack, and each pack costs $9, how much money do you spend on condoms per year? You have sex 208 times in 1 year. Divide that by 6, the number of condoms in a box, and you get about 35 boxes of condoms you have to buy. Multiply that by 9, and the amount of money you spend on condoms per year is $315. That’s three hundred dollars, you guys. It’s pretty fucking expensive. Of course we can go to the Planned Parenthood clinic and get free ones, but because not everyone has access to a clinic (you can thank Rick Perry for that one) many of us are stuck buying them at a grocery store or pharmacy. Now, $315 doesn’t seem like a massive amount of money to a lot of us — it’s the price I’m willing to pay for safe sex. But what about those who cannot afford to spend this kind of money? If you have to choose between feeding your children or buying condoms so you don’t have more children, condoms become a luxury that you cannot afford. All of the conservatives are ranting about birth control right now, saying that condoms get the job done just as effectively. I’m not going to get started on how wrong this statement is but let’s just roll with it for now. If condoms are supposed to be the cheapest form of birth control, (I’m sorry, abstinence? Get the fuck out.) and some folks can’t even afford those, I can’t help but wonder what exactly we are supposed to do. Remember all of those times you heard conservatives rant about how most poor women have lots of children simply to collect welfare checks? How are these women not supposed to have children when they cannot even afford the cheapest form of birth control? I mean sure, a husband and wife can abstain from sex if they cannot afford to have children—but do we really want to deny people the right to have sex when they want simply because they cannot afford a $9 box of condoms?

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My Life As A Spinster

   “Have you bagged a man yet?”

   This is the question dreaded by singletons everywhere. As a member of this oft-discriminated against group, I face these inquiries on a biweekly basis. I join the likes of Jane Austen, Bridgett Jones and other infamous old maids. Casual friends, lesser visited relatives, and especially co-workers question my relationship status. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”. People ask this as though they expect me to point out some physical aberration — an oozing chancre or third buttock perhaps. The general consensus is: surely an attractive, college-educated young woman must have something wrong with her. And if there is no corporeal offender, people start probing for a yielding spot in a seemingly sterling personality. Images of cat-infestations and ink-splattered poetry form in their minds like a quick sketch.

   “Aren’t you lonely without a guy?”

   Not so much.

   “So you’re a lesbian!”

   Wrong again.

   “Oh,” they say. “I get it. You’re a man-hater.”


   No comment could be more off the mark. I am not a man-hater. I am a man-repellant. It’s different, I swear.

  

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